( Everyday Life with Autism )

This real story took place as I interacted with a ten-year-old student on the spectrum. He is known for being very sensitive and gets easily upset from people’s comments and criticism. He is very smart and hates to make mistakes and keeps blaming himself for his shortcomings. When that happens he refuses to participate in the classroom activities and abandons his deskwork all together. He would run to a corner in the classroom, hides under a table to isolate himself, and refuses to leave his spot. No matter how much adults talk to him to convince him to change his mind and resume work, he would keep repeating the same thing:

“I am very upset, I am mad with myself, I am not focused well enough on my work, I should finish my work faster, I know I can do a better job, nobody wants to be friends with me. Now I have disappointed everybody, even I am disappointed in myself. I am so upset and I want to be by myself, please leave me alone because I am not moving from here.”

Usually it takes him a long time before he goes back to his desk. By then he would have missed a lesson or two.

This is a daily pattern that would recurr several times a day.

One day I caught him sitting on a chair, not under the table, in his favorite corner. I sat next to him and told him:

“I know you are very upset and I understand that you need some time to calm down. Why don’t you go back to your desk and still be upset and wait there until you feel better?”

He immediately grabbed the sides of seat/chair he was sitting on very firmly and said:

“I am not moving from here.”

I told him as I pointed to his chair: “This is the ‘upset chair‘ where you can sit and be upset for as long as you want wherever you want. Let’s move it to your desk and you may continue to be upset, please stand up!”

Without uttering a single word he stood up. I had him push the chair to his desk. I took the other chair at his desk away and replaced it with the ‘upset chair‘.

He sat down quietly somewhat relieved. Five minutes later he was already engaged in the running activity and started participating without even being asked.

I guess that the reason behind his compliance was that he was given the option to continue doing what he was doing (being upset and left alone).

Naturally, the physical proximity from the center of activities helped attracting him to get engaged once again.

The fact of the matter is that I took the cue from the student himself. When he firmly grabbed the sides of the chair and said: “I am not moving from here.” I realized that the word “here” does not necessarily mean the spot in the classrom, but rather the chair itself.

Take your cues from the children. Take their words seriously because they carry the solution you are looking for.

nadia shanab

Tags: communication, discipline, flexibility